Celebrity Bear Mauled

Tragedy struck last week when beloved bear Corduroy, left in the grass at a friend's house while Z played in her kiddie pool, was attacked and mauled by a small dog named Harley Earl. Reconstructive surgery was performed by the steady hand of a considerate grandfather, followed up by the addition of a decorative bandage by a crafty grandmother. Harley Earl was released after a brief scolding and later peed in the living room, causing some commentators to call for stricter mandatory sentencing requirements.

Corduroy's three-year-old PR chief stated that the celebrity bear should experience a full recovery and be ready to return to button-searching and soap-flake dumping activities very soon. Corduroy has not been on the disabled list since a season-ending injury sustained after falling into a load of hippie laundry in 1978.

Some critics have charged that Corduroy taunted the dog, and point to the attempted department-store robbery that was later dramatized in the stuffed sensation's breakout Corduroy in 1968 as evidence of the bear's grizzly nature. Years spent on video reworkings of his two celebrated early works led many critics to dismiss the star as a has-been, and some credit recent public outbursts to the bear's frustration at the failure of later and, many would argue, lesser works the actor hoped would spur a comeback.

Corduroy is rumored to be working on an album of new music with producer Rick Rubin.

In related news, Corduroy's spokesperson has announced that Corduroy is now a girl. Whether this development will affect any current licensing agreements or car seat privileges is unclear.